I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there’s a will , there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.